I promise that later in the day (or maybe tomorrow) I will have a brighter outlook on this day of days, but right now I am really struggling; with the celebration, the beauty, the uncertainties, the ultimate loss. I look forward to my Christmas miracle and I have ever since we knew that Aiden was different. I haven't seen it yet, but I still hope.
As I await my miracle I realize that this day is in essesnce the celebration of a miracle. More than 2000 years ago a young woman (much younger than me) was entrusted with the responsibility of firstly accepting the fact that she was pregnant, unmarried and still a virgin. Then in the midst of the whole thing was carrying the child that would be the savior of the world; the messiah. I cannot imagine being required to wrap my mind around all of that, much less grasp the enormity as a teenager! (Remember that Mary was probably only 15.)
But this morning, as I have been sitting and really struggling with what I see as the probable outcome for my littlest one, the son of my heart, I wonder at Mary's ability to "treasure" the things that were said about Jesus in "in her heart". Did she truly understand the end result for the child she would raise as her own? Did her heart break a little each day as she realized that with each day that Jesus grew into a man he was walking closer to the end that would ultimately be required of him?
I cry, sometimes daily, for the possible outcomes I see in the future for our Aiden. I cry for myself because it is sometimes so difficult to face each day knowing that "normal" will never be normal for our family. I cry for Aiden because he may never understand; how much we love him, what he could become, what the world holds. Then I cry again because I am so small minded that I don't regularly see what blessings I have been given in the fact that I am priviledged to parent such an amazing child; one who works so hard everyday, who loves as much as he can and gives freely all that he has to give.
All this to say, Thank you Lord Jesus that I am not faced on a daily basis with the fear that my son's ultimate end will be an early death. Did Mary know? Did she know?
Today as you and your families give gifts and enjoy eachother remember how blessed you are. I don't say this because you may be a family with children facing no challenges, I say this because no matter the challenges we are blessed; all of us.
Pray with me today: Thank you Lord for the blessing of all children. Give us eyes to see the gifts that we have each been given; life, love, opportunities to bless others, family, the privilidge to praise and worship the God who created the universe. Show us your will for us this Christmas. In Your name Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us,
Amen.
Blessings to you all this Christmas day,
Christa
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