Christmas morning...thoughts of Mary

I promise that later in the day (or maybe tomorrow) I will have a brighter outlook on this day of days, but right now I am really struggling; with the celebration, the beauty, the uncertainties, the ultimate loss. I look forward to my Christmas miracle and I have ever since we knew that Aiden was different. I haven't seen it yet, but I still hope.


As I await my miracle I realize that this day is in essesnce the celebration of a miracle. More than 2000 years ago a young woman (much younger than me) was entrusted with the responsibility of firstly accepting the fact that she was pregnant, unmarried and still a virgin. Then in the midst of the whole thing was carrying the child that would be the savior of the world; the messiah. I cannot imagine being required to wrap my mind around all of that, much less grasp the enormity as a teenager! (Remember that Mary was probably only 15.)

But this morning, as I have been sitting and really struggling with what I see as the probable outcome for my littlest one, the son of my heart, I wonder at Mary's ability to "treasure" the things that were said about Jesus in "in her heart". Did she truly understand the end result for the child she would raise as her own? Did her heart break a little each day as she realized that with each day that Jesus grew into a man he was walking closer to the end that would ultimately be required of him?

I cry, sometimes daily, for the possible outcomes I see in the future for our Aiden. I cry for myself because it is sometimes so difficult to face each day knowing that "normal" will never be normal for our family. I cry for Aiden because he may never understand; how much we love him, what he could become, what the world holds. Then I cry again because I am so small minded that I don't regularly see what blessings I have been given in the fact that I am priviledged to parent such an amazing child; one who works so hard everyday, who loves as much as he can and gives freely all that he has to give.

All this to say, Thank you Lord Jesus that I am not faced on a daily basis with the fear that my son's ultimate end will be an early death. Did Mary know? Did she know?

Today as you and your families give gifts and enjoy eachother remember how blessed you are. I don't say this because you may be a family with children facing no challenges, I say this because no matter the challenges we are blessed; all of us.

Pray with me today: Thank you Lord for the blessing of all children. Give us eyes to see the gifts that we have each been given; life, love, opportunities to bless others, family, the privilidge to praise and worship the God who created the universe. Show us your will for us this Christmas. In Your name Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us,
Amen.

Blessings to you all this Christmas day,
Christa

A Christmas tradition

Christmas is a very sentimental time for me; not only is it a special holy time in the life of a christian, but it is also my birthday. Therefore, I attempt to keep my focus on the reason we celebrate instead of on the busy-ness. One of the ways that I try to do this is through books; Christmas books and lots of them!

I have repeated several this year: Shepherds Abiding (Jan Karon), Christmas in My Heart (Joe Wheeler). My devotional this year is a repeat too; The Power of a Christmas Prayer (Stormie Ormartian). Of all of the Christmas books that I have read this season this devotional is hands down the most amazing. It puts you in the middle of the lives of Elizabeth, Mary, Zacharias and Joseph. You are able to feel the excitement that Elizabeth and Zacharias felt upon hearing that they would be parents. You are put in the place of a young unmarried woman who finds herself pregnant and you struggle with Joseph to do the best thing in their situation.

I am a little behind in the reading ( I should be somewhere closer to the trek to Egypt). Today I was with the shepherds on the hills outside of Bethlehem. I saw the heavenly hosts, heard the angels as they sang, fell to my knees with wonder that the Lord God Almighty would find me worthy to hear such an announcement. I was (and am) amazed.

The shepherds were lowly people in their society. They were not important to anyone (except the owner of the flock). They made little money, had little power and little significance. They were nobodies. Honestly, there are days when I can relate.

But you know, God found them important enough to hear His heavenly announcement. He saw them as worthy enough to seek out the baby and his parents; to be among the first to worship the Emmanuel, God with us! Their job was to go and see without asking the reasons why. They were blessed because they went. This gives me great insight into the way God sees us. There are no lives without significance in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. We are precious to Him and of great value.

In our home, where we live daily with a child who is different in the eyes of society, we are faced with the chance that someone will look at our little one as less than worthy; insignificant. I have to be reminded that it was to the shepherds angels announced Jesus' birth; through the shepherds that news of Jesus' birth was spread; that shepherds were the first to humbly approach the stable to worship. These lowly men were granted the blessing of all time and through them others were blessed with the news.

Aiden is our shepherd!

I have heard the news that God loves even the lowly. I am seeing that I can live the life of a patient woman. As a family, we are learning to see miracles in the small things daily. I can see the face of Jesus in Aiden's eyes daily.

Friends, as you celebrate the birth of the Son of God, Emmanuel, remember that no one is outside the hand of God; not even the lowly. And on the days when you feel like you are lower than the shepherds remember that God uses the humble and gives them grace for everyday.

O, Come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord!!

Christa

My baby is growing up

I remember sitting on the couch, bloodpressure 159/99, waiting for the doctor to call to let me if I was going to be induced. I was miserable and definitely ready to have the baby who was making me feel so bad.

I had been on bed rest for about 6 weeks before Aaron was born. I was seeing stars, had carpal tunnel in both hands, was gaining weight daily, and had been attached to the stress test machine so many times I could hook it up myself! I was ready to be done.


An early morning trip to the hospital set me up with medication to induce me, glucose and because of my preeclampsia, magnesium sulfate. Apparently, Aaron was not quite ready to be born. There was no baby that day (what a disappointment).

So after a restful night in labor & delivery(oh I am being so sarcastic right about now!!!) (No disrespect to any OB nurses out there; I love you!) my doctor decided that my bag of waters should be broken. This certainly moved things
along. Aaron was born 5 hours later.

What a change this spectacular event has had on my life. November 14th 1997 was not only the birth of my son; it was the birth of our family. Dave and I let go of the freedom of being a couple and gratefully (and fearfully) took up the mantle of parenthood. I have never truly regretted that choice.

The blessings of parenthood have and continue to be overwhelming; hugs and kisses everyday,

laughter and smiles regularly, an opportunity to see childhood through someone else's eyes and to

even have the chance to do some of those things

again.

To Aaron I am forever grateful. He made me a mommy. His birth showed me that I could love someone with my whole heart in minutes. I grew up the day Aaron came into the world. Through him I have learned that you can "make bread" in the sandbox, "nakes" from the birch tree aren't really scary, and everyday can be my "shining time".

We celebrated this birthday with a camp out at the house. Five guys outside with fire, hobo meals, and s'mores. It was a coming of age activity for Aaron and a getting old activity for me. But honestly, I am so proud of the young man that he is becoming.

Blessings to you Aaron. I love you so much.

Mom

A SCARY DAY!!!

I feel like for the most part I am a level-headed person. I have handled some pretty serious emergencies in the past; bloody noses, bloody lips, broken arms, etc. As well, for the most part, I try not to live life in fear of the bad things that could happen on a daily basis. I have to admit, however, that since Aiden was born my level of anxiety has been higher. Still, I do try to keep things in perspective. This having been said, when we got a call from Aiden's attendant Tara on Tuesday last week I was a little scared.

Dave and I had gone out to have a quick cup of coffee before he had to go to work last Tuesday. Let me tell you, it was a quick cup of coffee! We had only been in the restaurant for 15 minutes; just long enough for the waiter to put the coffee on our table and for me to get my requisite 5 creamers and sugar in the cup. With my first sip (and my last) my phone rang with the message that Aiden was not acting right and we should come right home.

Dave and I sprang from the table, paid for the coffee, cancelled our breakfast order and headed out to our cars (we had driven separately so Dave could head to work). I have not driven that fast in a long time!!! On the way I was talking to Tara about the incident and calling the pediatrician's office. We were advised to bring Aiden to the office immediately.

I would guess that by this time you are wondering (especially after the lego choking incident) what was happening. So here goes. Aiden had been running a fever since Sunday morning. By Tuesday morning his fever seemed to have broken and when Dave and I left he was fever free. Apparently, between the time we left and the fifteen minutes to the call from Tara his fever went up, rather quickly. While standing watching TV Aiden started to shake (the doctor thinks that he was shivering). He was also grinding his teeth (perhaps because he is unfamiliar with the way chattering feels). He did not; however, loose consciousness, become rigid, fall, drool or loose control of his bowels (bladder is up for grabs).

We have been told that if Aiden didn't have seizures by 3 he was not likely to have them. I do not want to think that this was a seizure, but it scared me like I haven't been afraid in years. Now when Aiden yawns or his eyes begin to cross a little or he looses his balance I feel fear begin to grip my heart. I feel like we have seen so much progress; so many steps forward. Seizure activity would be a gigantic step back. My heart breaks with the thought and I cry out to God, "Lord what are you doing?"

I am doing my best to step away from the "what ifs" and focus on the facts. God is good all the time. He loves Aiden more than I do. He loves me more than I do! :) His desire is for our good. Finally, because I am a God's child fear has no control over me.

Please pray for us. Pray that Aiden has no other incidents. Pray for me; that I am able to rest in the Lord daily. Thank you all so much for remembering us.
Blessings,
Christa

Another first for Aiden

I have really been struggling with the best way to provide Aiden with the best education possible. Don't misunderstand; I am not interested in the least in sending Aiden to public school. I am convinced that they would be unable to provide the protection that he requires and as a result, I would either feel obligated to be in attendance or I would have daily anxiety attacks worrying about him. This having been said, homeschooling is the best option.
So the job of finding the right program for Aiden became my focus. I haven't been putting it off.

I have actually been looking for programs for him for over a year; hours on the internet searching.....phone calls, emails. It has been consuming. I believe that I've found a good option, but I really want Aiden to have the opportunity to be with other kids; to learn to play and maybe even have a real friend someday. (What mommy doesn't want that for her child?)

So how do I make this happen for Aiden? Firstly, we have been working on attending some part of Sunday school weekly. I go with him (I get to play too!) usually for snack and praise time. (This Sunday he made it through the puppet program.) As well, Aiden is attending the Messy Class in our homeschool co-op.

The Messy Class is all about getting your hands dirty. Aiden attended his first class 2 weeks ago Friday. He got to play with homemade play dough. They had primary colors: red, blue, and yellow. They got to mix secondary colors: green, purple, and orange. Aiden squeezed the dough, patted the dough and pushed the dough. His favorite colors were blue and green. (He picked them every time!!) I think that he had fun!

I know that it is not rocket science or medical school, but for us it is a step forward in providing Aiden with options for his future. We will continue to do our best for Aiden; to reach beyond what we or anyone else may think limits him in order to seek God's best for him. It is a challenge, sometimes moment by moment, but one that we will do our best to meet.

Please continue to pray for us. Pray for Aiden to continue to make steps forward both in fine motor skills and in communication. As well, pray that Dave and I will have the wisdom to do what is best for our family.

Blessings to you all,

Christa

There's a reason for the age warning!!!

For those of you who may not know these are Legos. There are thousands of these little multicolored blocks in my house. They range in size from quarter inch rectangular and round blocks to three inch rectangles; from wheels to miniature guns. We have storm troopers, Darth Vader, C3PO, and even Princess Lea and Luke Skywalker; all in Legos. These toys have provided hours of really good imaginative fun for Aaron. But there is a warning; a safety warning, on the box. It says something like "not safe for children under the age of three". It should include children of any age who chew on non-food items!!

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, Aiden found several of Aaron's Legos on the floor last Friday night. He put them in his mouth and chewed them up. In the process he got at least one block caught in his throat. What followed is the worst case scenario for lots of parents; Aiden began to choke.

I wasn't at home but Dave is pretty level-headed and keeps his wits about him. He gave Aiden a couple of really good thumps (didn't work), flipped him over (didn't work) and called 911. While waiting for the EMTs (who by the way went to the wrong house) Dave swiped Aiden's mouth. We aren't sure if this pushed down what was stuck or whether Aiden was able to move the Lego, or if there was supernatural intervention, but Aiden swallowed. By the time I got home, totally oblivious to the whole thing, the EMTs were gone and Aiden was fine. (Dave and Aaron on the other hand were both a mess.)

I am happy to say that there are at least two positives that have come out of this situation. Firstly, Aiden's fine motor skills (his ability to pick up small objects and his ability to feed himself) have clearly improved!!! (Yeah, it's ok to laugh...the day after it happened I did.) As well, it seems like for the most part his digestive system is working well. (Can you guess where this is going??? :) Aiden has passed several Legos, yeah!! So as you can see, everything has "come out in the end". :) (It is really hard to be the "butt" of all of the jokes.)

We feel so blessed at the end of this situation. Aiden is ok, Aaron knows why we are so adamant about the Legos being upstairs, and EMS knows where we live. We are thankful that it was only pooping Legos versus having to say good-bye to our precious child.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. They were definitely felt last Friday evening.

Blessings to you all,

Christa

A view from my window

So many mornings I am in such a hurry that I don't pay any attention to the view from my kitchen window. What a foolish thing to do! The view from my window is beautiful; a pond, the sun glinting off of the water, ducks swimming and trees beginning to change colors. By not taking at least a minute to look I miss the gift the Lord has to give me in the beauty of my surroundings.

How many times have I done the same thing with my husband and kids; with friends and other family? In my busy-ness how much beauty have I missed? I am sure that I have missed much. I will not be able to recapture those moments no matter how much I would like to.

So what do I do now? Well, for starters, I am going to pause at my kitchen window, drink my coffee and thank the Lord for the gifts that He has given me: my husband, my children, my friends, the priviledge to live in such a beautiful place, my adoption into the God's family. (The list could go on and on!!!) As well, I will do my best to recognize the opportunities that are given to me each day to extend grace to others (that grace truly is a blessing). I hope that you will take a minute to catch a "glimpse from your window" and embrace the beautiful blessings you've been given!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. We value them greatly. I will give an Aiden update soon.

Blessings to you and yours,

Christa

A summer picnic

I was recently reminded by a friend that I hadn't updated my blog for a LONG time. She was right. I have to admit that although we were without internet service for 2 1/2 months (the joys of rural living!!!) I have not really made the time to let you all know how we are doing. I am sorry that I have been so lax. It wasn't that I wasn't thinking about it; when I did it was usually midnight (or later!) and I was dragging my behind!!!! I will do my best to be more disciplined and atleast keep you posted weekly. Yeah, if I were you I would be thinking "Right, I'll believe it when I see it". Don't worry, the skepticism doesn't bother me:)

So here we go....

This Saturday Aaron, Addison, Aiden and I went to Augusta Springs and had a picnic! For many of you this will not seem like a big deal. For us however, it is huge. Not because we have a hard time making sandwiches or because there aren't any places to picnic close by, but because ususlly Aiden doesn't tolerate them well.

I was skeptical as to whether or not we would even get to eat lunch, but Aaron and Addison have hope that springs eternal---Aaron even brought his net to catch minnows and crawfish.

I packed Aiden's books and some goldfish crackers and off we went! (I did make sandwiches:) The drive was beautiful, the weather was perfect and Aiden was in a great mood. Once there we had a little grumpiness, but once the Maisy books (still the perinal favorites) came out of the basket all was well.

After lunch we headed out for a walk on the handicapped accessible trail. The clack-clack of the boardwalk under the stroller's wheels seemed to be just what Aiden needed to relax into a peaceful mood.

Aaron and Addison were able to check out some of the information on the trail because Aiden was happy in his stroller. I have to be honest, I was just waiting for the meltdown to come. I am happy to say that I was completely surprised and greatly blessed by Saturday's outing. I should know that the Lord can use any situation to bless.




I have said on more than one occassion that I am often surprised by how the Lord blesses me. From the blessing of our new home where I am hopeful that others will find grace, mercy and blessings to a quiet Saturday picnic I am amazed by the depth of blessing that has been poured out on me. Am I only seeing them because I am in the unusual position of being a mom of a special child, or is it because I am slowly but surely learning to look at each day; each situation; each moment as a blessing?




I am hopeful that it is because I am learning to see the possibilities for blessing in all things. We do have to face things that many families will never have to face, but situations should not be what determines attitude. I could allow that to happen (and honestly I have), but that would leave me helpless. The Bible says, "For God did not give us a Spirit of timidity but of power and of love and of a calm and well balanced mind and discipline and self-control." (2Tim 1:6-8) By succumbing to that helplessness I give up the power and choose the timidity; I loose the character that I have been given through Jesus. I don't want to be afraid; I want the power not the timidity!!!

My friends if you find yourself choosing the fear or timidity over the power; if you're loosing sight of the blessings ask the Lord to redirect you. Our loving Father wants to bless us and He does daily. Open those boxes of blessings and enjoy them!
Thank you all for your continued prayers. We appreciate them and are so grateful for your support.
Blessings to all,
Christa

Would you like a sneak peek?

There is nothing like being blog illiterate, but it seems I am once again struggling to figure out how to get pics in the right places on this page!!! I wanted to post some pics of the progress on the house, but they didn't line up like I thought they would, so I'll just go through the ones that posted like they are, so here goes :)
The picture to the right is of Dave's and my bedroom. It is painted with really warm contrasting browns. We're doing all of the trim in white. I was really unsure of the colors. My sister Jennifer helped me pick them out and if the truth be told, she did a great job (but DON'T TELL HER!)


This is the room that the kids will share to begin with. Addison is a little scared to be in a room by herself, so Aaron and Aiden will share with her for a while. Aiden will always be in a room with one of the other kids, so for right now it will be Addison. In a couple of years (probably less time than I would like to imagine) we will move Aiden in with Aaron because Addison will need girl space. (I hope the Lord gives me a few years to prepare!)


These are of the downstairs bathroom. It has been renovated to accommodate Aiden; a bath with hand rails, a new toilet, no tile, a detachable shower head. We will have clothing and other things for his use here to make it as easy as possible. I really like the tile accent. I think it looks pretty!

This pic is especially for my mom. The new counter tops were installed yesterday and she wanted to see them right away!! Here they are Mom, aren't they beeeuuteeful? Last night after they were finished putting them in I got out the mop, cleaned the floor and stared. I know that sounds silly, but I wanted to see how pretty the kitchen would look when it was finally done. (We do have a slight technical difficulty that will take some fixing...sloping cabinets :( )

Hope that this finds all of you well. We are actively working to finish this project with a hope to getting moved sometime in March. Pray to this end for us if you can, please!!

Blessings to all,

Christa

The twists and turns often surprise me

Isn't it amazing the way our lives take twists and turns?? This last week has been totally strange and unexpected. Here in Virginia we have a new governor. As all politicians must do, Governor McDonnell has been given the unenviable job of balancing the budget for our state; a budget which dare I say is horrendously out of control. In seeking to make the changes that are required to make the state finances more equitable, he decided to make some cuts to Medicaid waivers. For those of you who are unaware (and to be honest, I was unaware just over a year ago) these waivers provide opportunities for individuals with disabilities to have care provided in their own communities; allows them freedom, independence and support. As well, for families with disabled children the waivers provide assistive care (attendants) in the home. For us this has given me the chance to spend more time with my older kids, my husband, and take some personal time. It is also providing Aiden with a special helper; someone who works with us in reaching Aiden's goals in speech, physical and occupational therapies.

The proposition was to remove what is called the "consumer directed option" from the waiver provided services. For us this would mean that we would no longer have the choice of attendants; we would have to accept any person who was sent to us by an agency. We would not be able to interview the attendant; not be able to asked questions concerning the person's background; not be able to fire the attendant if the fit was not right (or if heaven forbid something terrible were to happen). I am not willing to give up that much power to anyone; especially a stranger and especially with my littlest baby. This cut would effect not only children with disabilities, but also disabled adults and elderly.

So how have Governor McDonnell's proposed budget cuts caused twists and turns in my life's road? Well, as you can imagine I was a little shocked and lots concerned. I appreciate the help that we receive. I have seen improvements in not only Aiden, but in my older kids as well. I knew that they were in need of my time, but I have had so little to give them until the waiver gave us help. I was also angry....Why should the people who have so little be responsible for carrying so much of the burden? So when I was asked to contact some people about the cuts I jumped in with both feet.

Let me start by saying that I have never seen myself as a crusader. Although I chose a career in a field with children who usually lacked care or who were shuffled around because they were unwanted, I did not see my advocating for them as a crusade. I also thought that I understood the importance of the parent advocate. Now I truly understand; if I don't stand up for Aiden and those like him; if I don't encourage others to do the same; if I do not try to change the system so that things are better than I have no one to blame but myself. Conversely, my children would have no one else to blame but me.

So I made call after call, forwarded every email I received, printed multiple letters to as many politicians as I could. How did it turn out? Yesterday we heard that the Senate and House here in Virginia decided to remove the consumer directed options from the chopping block....for now. The actual budget in it's final form will not be looked at until the end of April so I will continue to work towards better treatment, better care, better options for children with disabilities.

I had no idea that some day I would be called on to "rally the troops" (small though they be), or that I would be interviewed by television reporters as if I was someone with a worthwhile opinion. On some level, I believe that I had something to do with the decision to leave funding in the budget for these services. Could it be that this is a new path for me; that I might be in the right place at the right time? Maybe it is just that I want to feel that I am destined for greatness; or maybe I just need to think that something not just good, but great will come from the struggles that we've encountered with Aiden, or maybe I just want to feel like the dreams that I had for Aiden won't go to waste. Maybe it is all of the options. I will wait and see. I hope that you will wait with me.

I will keep you posted as to how this works out, and if you can be helpful by contacting your delegates. As well, I cherish your prayers.

Blessings to you all,
Christa
To see Aiden's interview go to
www.whsv.com/video/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipld=4560206&flvUri=&partnerclipid

(Ok, so if that doesn't work you can go to whsv.com. When the home page comes up go to the video search engine and type in medicaid waiver. The search engine should give you several options. The picture w/a little boy wearing a blue pullover is Aiden. ) :)

A move date is on the horizon!

Hi Friends.
I am so sorry that I have not checked in for such a long time. It has been a crazy several weeks. After closing in mid December, all of our family contracted what we think was H1N1; followed by concurrent strep throat (Addison), sinus infection (Aaron and Aiden) and pneumonia (Dave). This was topped off with a Christmas Eve/Christmas morning visit to the ER with Aiden for a possible concussion. (Fortunately, a false alarm.) Thus bringing us to our Christmas holiday. (And I say that with a note of sarcasm in my voice!!:)

Our contractor has been juggling our renovations and at least one other job over the last several weeks. Needless to say, this has pushed our move date back several weeks. We were hoping for a move some time mid to late January. The most recent snow storm has helped us significantly. Because of the snow, our contractor has more time for indoor work (exactly what we need) so we may see a completion of the project within the week. We will now be expecting a move date for the end of February!! YEAH!!

I will do my best to keep you all posted. Take care and blessings to all.
~Christa