I wish that I could print pictures from my brain. If I could I would play back my church service from this last Sunday. Let me try to describe it for you.
In our church there is an area between the back row of seats and the back wall. It's open and carpeted and perfect for a little guy who likes to walk around, read a book or snack on cookies during church. It's where we usually make camp on Sunday mornings. So when I stepped onto the platform in the front of the sanctuary with the choir I looked for my men in the back. Neither Dave nor Aiden were there.
Our choir director was sharing some scripture that had really spoken to her and was talking about the song we were going to sing (Never let Go). I have to admit that I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have because I was still looking for Aiden. That's when I saw him. He had walked down the side aisle and was peeking around the front pew.
Aiden did the rounds; he visited with Pam as she spoke, visited with the pastor's wife, the elder and his wife. He walked to the other side of the sanctuary and looked at the kids sitting in the front. He walked over to one of our exchange students who promptly scooped him into her lap where he stayed until the song was over and then he returned down the center aisle to visiting on his way back to Dave.
"Yeah, that's cute Christa, but what's the big deal?" you may be saying to yourself. Well here it is. Firstly, I had just shared with the congregation what you read in my last blog...that I had been questioning God's wisdom in placing Aiden with us and that I realized that I needed to rely on the Lord's power for my strength. Secondly, God, in His grace and wisdom, has placed us in a church family where Aiden, instead of being seen as a problem or a distraction, is seen as a gift and a miracle. The elder or his wife, the choir director or the pastor's wife could easily have whisked Aiden back to Dave and rebuked us later for allowing our child to wander in during the service. Instead, I was encouraged to remember that Aiden is not only a miracle to my family, but also to our collective church family; that he is a blessing and reminds people of God's faithfulness and love. Finally, I was reminded by Aiden's walk around that God has allowed me to have some part in this child's progress.
I cried as we sang "Oh no, You never let go through the calm and through the storm. Oh no You never let go in every high and every low. Oh no You never let go. Lord you'll never let go of me." He won't ever let go. I can trust that even on the days when I feel like I have totally blown it and I want to hang up my mommy crown He will carry me; even in the middle of the night when I can't figure out why my son is running a fever or my older kids refuse to comply I can trust that He will guide me (if I listen). He'll never let me go.
Blessings to you all on this day.
Christa
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
So you think things are under control
You know how sometimes you think that you have everything under control; the clothes are washed and put away, the dishes are done, the toilets are clean and the kids are behaving? Everything seems to be in order and life is good. Then the dam breaks and all of the under control things become the out of control things! This has been my life for the last several weeks (actually since December 27th). "What in the world happened?", you may be asking yourself. Well, I am going to give you the short (though not sweet) version of the last 2 months.
The evening of December 27th Aiden did something to his foot/ankle. We really don't know what happened, but suffice it to say, we ended up in the ER with Aiden unable to take weight on his left foot. He was put into a splint to immobilze his knee (because that was where we thought the injury was) and we headed home. Turns out the reason that he whimpered all night was because the injury was to his foot/ankle and it was totally unprotected!!! So to the orthopedist we went the next day where Aiden was put in a walking boot.
I thought that all was well until Friday (Dec 31) when the skin on Aiden's ankle showed some blistering. Because of the way his ankle rolls in it was rubbing on the metal brace. Skin break down is a really bad thing so the splint had to be changed. (Just for fun, let's see how many of you know how many doctors are in the office on New Years Eve day?) I spent an hour on the phone trying to find the ortho on call, have him call me back, etc. Finally, we ended up in the same ER having them build a posterior splint. We had difficulty two more times with his splinting. It was so bad that at one point during the five week recooperation time Aiden had to stay strapped into his stroller to keep him off of his foot.
January 25th provided us with a clean bill of health from the orthopedist!!! Aiden was released to walk to his heart's content (and he has)!
Just over a week later (8 days to be exact) Aiden began vomitting (and vomitting and vomitting). He vomitted 18 times in 2 hours. It was like a massive barf-a-rama! Turns out this was the start of influenza; you know the respiratory thing! He ran a fever of in excess of 103 without ibuprofen for 8 days. It took another 4 or 5 days for him to start feeling like himself again. Although Addison and I managed to dodge the influenza bullet, Dave and Aaron succumbed to the virus. It was miserable around our house; hacking, coughing, snot everywhere. We went through 5 or 6 boxes of tissues in 4 days! ( I should buy stock in Kleenex!)
As everyone began showing real signs of recovery I drew a deep breath of relief; finally we were all healthy. I should have waited just a couple of days. This past Wednesday I woke up exhausted. Aiden had been whimpering all night long. I knew that something was wrong, but he was never awake so I just listened; all night long. I got him up early and we went down stairs just in time for the vomitting to begin. ("Not again", you may be saying...imagine what I was saying :) Seems that Aiden, almost over night, became constipated! Ughh!!! Just when you think things are smooth sailing (there is no sailing). Two enimas and three doses of Miralax later and things are finally moving normally. I never thought that I would be so glad to have to change a poopy diaper.
Last night, as I pondered all that has gone on over the last two months I came to a conclusion. I have been working this program on my own. I have not been trusting that the Lord has things in His control. When we started this cycle in December I was just stunned and I could feel myself loosing the battle over despair. I wanted to know how things could be so hard for Aiden and why I wasn't able to protect him. (What a defeating feeling to not be able to protect your child.) The feelings only got worse with each time the splinting didn't work. Once the flu started I was not holding on to the hand of Jesus; it's hard to hold on when you're hiding your face in your hands. My heart was so defeated that I could only hide. Unfortunately, I was not hiding myself in the Lord.
I would love to say that I saw the error of my ways and turned to Jesus for His help, forgiveness and strength. Actually, I grumbled, complained and agrued with the Lord. (Really mature, huh?) Needless to say, it was ineffective. I think the Lord let me wallow so that I could realize that it could be worse, and I was powerless to control it. (Enter the constipation issues!!)
Since this last hurdle happened just this week, I am not beyond this struggle. I am right in the middle and praying that today will bring me one step closer to walking beside my Savior. I know that right now I am being carried since I am so unable to move forward on my own power. I want to find rest, solace, and refreshing in the Lord.
But those who wait on the Lord [who expect, wait for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their power; they shall lift their wings and mount up like eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired. Isaiah 40:31 amplified
The evening of December 27th Aiden did something to his foot/ankle. We really don't know what happened, but suffice it to say, we ended up in the ER with Aiden unable to take weight on his left foot. He was put into a splint to immobilze his knee (because that was where we thought the injury was) and we headed home. Turns out the reason that he whimpered all night was because the injury was to his foot/ankle and it was totally unprotected!!! So to the orthopedist we went the next day where Aiden was put in a walking boot.
I thought that all was well until Friday (Dec 31) when the skin on Aiden's ankle showed some blistering. Because of the way his ankle rolls in it was rubbing on the metal brace. Skin break down is a really bad thing so the splint had to be changed. (Just for fun, let's see how many of you know how many doctors are in the office on New Years Eve day?) I spent an hour on the phone trying to find the ortho on call, have him call me back, etc. Finally, we ended up in the same ER having them build a posterior splint. We had difficulty two more times with his splinting. It was so bad that at one point during the five week recooperation time Aiden had to stay strapped into his stroller to keep him off of his foot.
January 25th provided us with a clean bill of health from the orthopedist!!! Aiden was released to walk to his heart's content (and he has)!
Just over a week later (8 days to be exact) Aiden began vomitting (and vomitting and vomitting). He vomitted 18 times in 2 hours. It was like a massive barf-a-rama! Turns out this was the start of influenza; you know the respiratory thing! He ran a fever of in excess of 103 without ibuprofen for 8 days. It took another 4 or 5 days for him to start feeling like himself again. Although Addison and I managed to dodge the influenza bullet, Dave and Aaron succumbed to the virus. It was miserable around our house; hacking, coughing, snot everywhere. We went through 5 or 6 boxes of tissues in 4 days! ( I should buy stock in Kleenex!)
As everyone began showing real signs of recovery I drew a deep breath of relief; finally we were all healthy. I should have waited just a couple of days. This past Wednesday I woke up exhausted. Aiden had been whimpering all night long. I knew that something was wrong, but he was never awake so I just listened; all night long. I got him up early and we went down stairs just in time for the vomitting to begin. ("Not again", you may be saying...imagine what I was saying :) Seems that Aiden, almost over night, became constipated! Ughh!!! Just when you think things are smooth sailing (there is no sailing). Two enimas and three doses of Miralax later and things are finally moving normally. I never thought that I would be so glad to have to change a poopy diaper.
Last night, as I pondered all that has gone on over the last two months I came to a conclusion. I have been working this program on my own. I have not been trusting that the Lord has things in His control. When we started this cycle in December I was just stunned and I could feel myself loosing the battle over despair. I wanted to know how things could be so hard for Aiden and why I wasn't able to protect him. (What a defeating feeling to not be able to protect your child.) The feelings only got worse with each time the splinting didn't work. Once the flu started I was not holding on to the hand of Jesus; it's hard to hold on when you're hiding your face in your hands. My heart was so defeated that I could only hide. Unfortunately, I was not hiding myself in the Lord.
I would love to say that I saw the error of my ways and turned to Jesus for His help, forgiveness and strength. Actually, I grumbled, complained and agrued with the Lord. (Really mature, huh?) Needless to say, it was ineffective. I think the Lord let me wallow so that I could realize that it could be worse, and I was powerless to control it. (Enter the constipation issues!!)
Since this last hurdle happened just this week, I am not beyond this struggle. I am right in the middle and praying that today will bring me one step closer to walking beside my Savior. I know that right now I am being carried since I am so unable to move forward on my own power. I want to find rest, solace, and refreshing in the Lord.
But those who wait on the Lord [who expect, wait for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their power; they shall lift their wings and mount up like eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired. Isaiah 40:31 amplified
I want that to be me; on wings, not tired, finding victory over the day to day events that can drag me down. I am waiting on the Lord for guidance and healing.
Thanks for wading through all of this mess. I am sorry that it was long and drawn out, but it has been two months. Please pray that I am able to spend time with Jesus daily and that health descends on my home!
Blessings to you all,
Christa
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